Why do family members and friends insist on buying toys for your kids that make noise? I’ll tell you why. They don’t have kids. Or, they have kids that are grown and have forgotten how fucking annoying it is. Or, they just hate you. I’m guessing it’s that last one.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked past my son’s room in the middle of the night and have heard:
“I’m Lightening McQueen. Hey! Watch the paint.”
I’ll watch the paint. I’ll watch it while it melts in the microwave.
A friend of ours specifically told his family NOT to send their kids any toys that made noise. His sister sent one anyway. He immediately threw it in the trash, took a picture of it in the trash, and emailed that picture to his sister. Fucking brilliant.
And what’s with the volume 
of toys? See all this crappy plastic play food? This was one of the gifts to the kids from my mother. We lugged all of that shit home in a suitcase at Christmas time. Its new home is the Salvation Army. I also had to donate a Tiffany lamp just to get them to even take it.
I decided to build up my 2.5 year old son’s toy collection with good quality toys (you know, one’s that don’t talk, don’t have screaming sirens, and aren’t made of plastic that melts in your hand when you touch it). Then I snuck into his room while he was cleaning the mildew out of the shower and disposed of the crappy toys. One piece at a time.
He did get a little emotional when he heard one of his toys talking from the trash can. Gotta remember to bring that trash bag outside quicker.
I find kids play better and behave better when they don’t have toys. My step-daughter was totally unruly one night. I told her all of her toys would be gone when she got home from school the next day if she didn’t shape up. Needless to say, other than art supplies and books, I stood true to my word. I took anything that could even be construed as a toy. That paper clip that kind of looked like a cat: gone. That piece of lint that could potentially become a caterpillar: gone. That lightbulb that could be used to make shadow puppets: gone. Okay, I did put that one back. It was pretty dark in her room. I filled TWENTY trash bags! How does a nine year old wind up with 50 Barbies? That’s almost 6 Barbies per year from birth.
Funny thing is, she doesn’t even miss her toys. She’s just as happy scrubbing the toilet. As for my son, he’ll be just as happy once he finishes fixing our roof.
xo
2 Comments
March 4, 2008 at 12:35 am
[...] jocelyn wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWhy do family members and friends insist on buying toys for your kids that make noise? I’ll tell you why. They don’t have kids. Or, they have kids that are grown and have forgotten how fucking annoying it is. Or, they just hate you. I’m guessing it’s that last one. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked past my son’s room in the middle of the night and have heard: “I’m Lightening McQueen. Hey! Watch the paint.” I’ll watch the paint. I’ll watch it while it melts in the microwave. A friend of ours specifically told his family NOT to send their kids any toys that made noise. His sister sent one anyway. He immediately threw it in the trash, took a picture of it in the trash, and emailed that picture to his sister. Fucking brilliant. And what’s with the volume of toys? See all this crappy plastic play food? This was one of the […] [...]
March 4, 2008 at 12:49 am
[...] Chronicles of Kim had a pretty good blog post. Definitely worth your time. Here is a small excerpt:He immediately threw it in the trash, took a picture of it in the trash, and emailed that picture to his sister. Fucking brilliant. … That paper clip that kind of looked like a cat: gone…. [...]