I went to the doctor last month complaining I had a sore back and sore chest muscles. I let him know my self diagnosis when I walked in the room (I’m a bit of a hypochondriac): It’s scoliosis or breast cancer or some disease I can’t pronounce.
This doctor has seen me maybe once or twice before. But, he does know enough to ask his staff to postpone his next appointment when he sees my name in his calendar. (Sometimes I can be a bit…paranoid.) Oddly enough, he also calls his nurse into the room while I’m there, which I notice he doesn’t do with everyone.
“Are you sure you don’t feel any lumps? Better check again.”
“Did you check both breasts?” “Twice?”
“Does my spine seem crooked to you?” 
The doctor suggested I was having these aches and pains because of my poor posture. Poor posture? What? I most certainly do not have poor posture. Ugh! How insulting!
(note: poor posture to the right)
“You really need to work on your posture.”
Um, okay. Strap these girls on for awhile and see if you have good posture. I highly doubt it. These fuckers are heavy!
I came home and mentioned to my husband I was considering a breast reduction. From his reaction, you would have thought I told him he was going bald, (which I might have mentioned to take the focus off me).
“I’d rather pay for you to get a new spine.” “How would you like it if I got a penis reduction?” Uh, okay. So not the same thing.
“You can’t blame all your problems on your boobs. Your back just hurts from carrying around our 2.5 year old.”
This is probably also true, but that three-way combo hurts my back. Thank you very much.
He just doesn’t get it. I mean the dude eats sushi for breakfast, for fuck’s sake. What’s he know about boobs?
Oh well. It looks like a breast reduction is out. For now. What I’ll need to find in the meantime then, is a good support bra that doesn’t look like a straight jacket. I’m sure I’ll have more luck teaching my son to change his own diaper.
xo
3 Comments
March 5, 2008 at 7:34 am
LOL. Too funny.
(If you have any luck teaching your son to change his own diaper, pass that knowledge my way, please?)
March 6, 2008 at 2:54 am
[...] chroniclesofkim wrote an post worth reading today.Here’s a quick excerpt:I let him know my self diagnosis when I walked in the room (I’ma bit of a hypochondriac): It’s scoliosis or breast cancer or some disease I can’t pronounce. This doctor has seen me maybe once or twice before. But, he does know enough to … [...]
March 6, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I can’t even get my son to tell me when he has poop, let alone teach him to change his diaper.