About Kim

Four years ago, I was minding my own business. Now, I’m married to that guy. You know, that guy who has his face covered by the Los Angeles Times pretending he doesn’t hear his kids screaming at each other and his wife screaming at them. That same guy who sits in front of his computer writing all day, pretending that he doesn’t see his wife banging her head on the kitchen counter because it sounds better than that jackhammer sound the kids make. I have a 2.5 year old son who’s bossy as shit and screams like Mariah Carey. A 9 year old step-daughter who doesn’t listen. Ever. A house in a Los Angeles suburb with a white picket fence (true story) and a swimming pool that collects bird shit and bees for the better part of the year. A new car with unremovable water stains because the neighbor’s gardener can’t figure out how to adjust the sprinklers. Neighbors who show up unannounced that want to drink my wine and eat my food. Childless friends who insist on offering their unsolicited parenting advice. Friends with children who insist on offering their unsolicited advice on everything. And best of all, a selfish ex-wife (not mine, my husband’s) whose main goal in life is to be the best bottom feeder she can be.

At least we don’t have a pet. Unless you count that possum on our roof who’s teaching raccoons to samba while we’re trying to watch TV (another true story…I’ve seen it).

Would I change a thing? Hell no! Would you?