Friends of ours invited us to their adult dinner party Saturday night. They always have such a diverse group of people at their parties. Writers. Rafters. Photographers. Surfers. You name it. They’ll be there. I can see it now. Conversations about current events instead of Spongebob. The entertainment industry instead of American Girl. Surfing stories instead of Thomas the Train stories. I can’t wait.
Wait a fucking minute! The invite says the party starts at 8pm. And I don’t think this week’s mailman is available to babysit that late.
Since when is 8pm late. Since we had kids. And since I’ve become too paranoid to hire a babysitter. Especially one that looks younger than our kids. Or looks like they might steal them, sell them, or eat them.
My husband: “I told you we should have a standing babysitter.”
Um, thanks Jackass, (that’s my pet name for him). I’ll just pull a babysitter out of my ass. Hopefully they’re free Saturday night.
This is where the art kicks in. Tricking your friends into thinking your kids will actually enhance their dinner party.
Here are a few tips:
1. Bring your kids already dressed in their pajamas. Nothing says “I don’t have finger paints in my pockets” like kids all snugly in their jammies.
2. Immediately survey the room for the person who has had way too much to drink. They’re more inclined to watch your kids.
3. After you ascertain that the hosts have a pet, sit your kids down in front of junk food and soda. You can blame a lot of shit on the family dog.
4. Bring “The Best of Whale Sounds” CD and suggest it for some background music. It’ll drown out your whining kids when they have to wait in line for the bathroom.
5. Throw everyone off the track by complaining about people who bring kids to adult dinner parties. No one will suspect they’re yours. Just don’t forget to grab them on your way out. Unless you want some alone time at home without them.
In the end, Saturday night turned out to be a blast. We mingled. Our kids rifled through the host’s personal belongings. And, best of all, they passed out in the car on the way home.
xo
Chronicles of Kim 